He Stole My Weed To Look At My Dildo... That's Weird Right?

Last night we traveled to Petaluma, California to Justine's sisters' house for Christmas.

Justine's sister is, well, she gave Justine "Anal Fucks vol 23 Gaping Anuses" when Justine was 12 years old- but that's a whole other story. She is however, an AMAZING cook. It was probably the best meal I've had since I've been out west. After dinner we exchanged gifts, and well, WE HAVE SOME NEW PETS! Haha. Yes. Those are Sea Monkeys. Actually Justine is "hatching them", or whatever, as I am currently typing this blog. We also received a Sports Illustrated naked girl calendar and lots of candy, a clock, and hugging salt & pepper shaker people. Alena, Justine's sister, got some 'Twang"... which I had never heard of before but apparently has the slogan "Lick the Twang" which is just clearly fantastic. After exchanging gifts we made ourselves some drinks, and I FINALLY got to drink some Amaretto w/Almond Milk, which oddly enough I have been craving for a WHILE...

I guess I forgot to mention Jeremiah. He is Alena's ex-boyfriend but they still live together. Talk about awkward tension. They clearly can't stand each other. Anyway, Jeremiah was pretty wasted and I believe also had smoked a bowl or few. In his drunken state he decided it was best he left to venture somewhere and I guess meet up with friends.

The second he left Alena was like "Holy shit I need to tell you about two incidents..."

Incident One: (and I quote)
"So the other day Jeremiah's computer wasn't working so he asked me if he could use mine... Later that night, upon putting on my PJ's I noticed something crusted to the inside leg of my pajama pants... I asked him what it was an he denied knowing what I was talking about. The next day he confessed that he went in my room to jack off and put on my pants so he could think of me while he was doing it and didn't realize he got cum all over the pants... So that was the first straw."

Incident Two: (again, I quote)
"I was really stressed out and really wanted to just chill out and smoke a bowl. I don't smoke a lot but I do have some just for really bad days and special occasions. I go into my drawer to realize my weed container had been emptied. I figured Jeremiah stole it so I confronted him. He didn't deny stealing the weed, his response was 'I saw it in your drawer and I thought you stole it from me so I was taking it back'. Which is wrong on so many levels but the thing that really concerned me was why was in my drawers in the first place? So later he confesses to me that he was actually in my room to try to find my dildo. He told me he likes to jack off to my dildo knowing it's something that goes inside of me... HE STOLE MY WEED TO LOOK AT MY DILDO! That's weird right!?"


ALL I HAVE TO SAY IS THANK G-D I AM GAY. I mean hello, if this is what boys do, fucking GROSS. I do believe Nic put it best when she said, "If I were ever to find my PJ's crusty, that boy would not be anywhere near my house to have a second incident!" Haha

Alena then told us how she got a new door put on her room yesterday that can only be opened with a key and hid the key in her room. She then proceeded upstairs only to realize that when Jeremiah had left the house a drunk mess, he locked her door and closed it... Just to be an asshole. So now we are all super drunk, and locked out of Alena's room (which had all the blankets and pillows and such for the night). We decide that the best way to get into this bedroom is to utilize a random truck parked outside her house, to place a step stool on top of the truck and climb onto the roof ledge and break into the window. Some how Nic, who was probably the drunkest of all, took the lead, hopped on the stool and ended up on the roof. She then busted through the screen with a butter knife, thrown up to her by some other drunk person (possibly Alena), and saved the day.

We were all pretty tired at this point and decided to go to bed... Only the realize that the charger to the queen sized air mattress was broken and the bed needed to be blown by mouth...

We finally got to sleep, woke up, went to breakfast, took a drive around Petaluma, and then headed back to San Francisco...